As I sat on my couch on Sunday, I tried to recall every purchase over $50 that I have made so far in 2015. Among what I could remember were things like dinners, a new TV, tickets to an Atlanta Braves game. Things like that. After thinking for a while, I grew confident that the purchase I made Sunday afternoon was by far the best of the year. What did I purchase? I bought WWE Summer Slam on pay-per-view.
It was $54.99, plus taxes and fees. And it was fantastic. It was hosted by Jon Stewart, taking on his first real gig since leaving the Daily Show. And unsurprisingly, he did a great job. But you know what else he did? HE INTERFERED IN A MATCH. He entered the ring during the Seth Rollins-John Cena title fight and hit Cena with a chair. It was chaotic, and it allowed Rollins to turn the fight and steal a match he should have lost. Don’t get me started on Rollins, I can’t stand that guy.
Anyway, as this next yak highlights, there exists a campaign for Stewart to remain in the spotlight, this time in an environment that is somehow more violent than wrestling: American politics.
While we are on the topic of politics, it seems fitting for me to bring up Washington, D.C. The American capital city was reported as the owner of the highest subscription rate of any US city to Ashley Madison, the affairs website that was hacked recently. Politics is a fairly sleazy business, so I think most of us would actually be more shocked if at least one Congressman weren't subscribed.
Speaking of D.C., this next yak takes a jab at the city’s professional football team, the perpetually moribund Washington Deadskins. Their quarterback Robert Griffin III is once again injured, after receiving a concussion during their preseason game last Thursday. ‘Skins fans are torn between Griffin, a fragile (former) star with fumbling issues who can’t stay on the field, and his backup Kirk Cousins, a low-ceiling game manager with a penchant for throwing crucial interceptions. Personally, I prefer Griffin, but that’s only because we share the same first name.
As often is the case with international news, things this past week were strange. Putin went to the bottom of the ocean (why?), burglars in Germany ruined 1200 perfectly good bottles of beer (WHY??) and an illegal cheese ring was busted (WTF IS HAPPENING??).
I’ll rapid fire off a few yaks about random stories right now. Lightning Round! First, Buffalo Bill’s house from Silence of the Lambs is up for sale. Prior to buying it though, you may want to check with the Homeowner’s Association. I assume they’ll probably have something to say about that pit in the basement.
The Weather Channel might be for sale, but it’s difficult to predict.
Textbooks are wildly expensive. Since 1977, prices have gone up 1,041%.
Lice are gross.
What a busy week that was. Got an equally busy one coming up. You stay classy San Diego!