What is the typical formula for every romantic comedy you’ve seen?
A boy + a girl + an unusual circumstance that brings the two together + a rising interest between the two + a conflict between the two causing one &/or both to rethink their love + a heroic act by one &/or both to prove their love + a cheesy pun to tie it all up + Billy Mays zombie.
Okay - so maybe not every romantic comedy has a Billy Mays zombie, but when we asked our users to help us write a Rom Com we had no idea what we were in for. We started off with two lines and the rest was up to them. The story took so many twists & turns; just when you thought you knew what was coming next - BAM - Nickelback showed up.
There was love, there was laughter, there was limb loss. (I think that should be the tagline of the poster.) So without further adieu I present to you the romantic comedy written exclusively by our brilliant & hilarious Yik Yak users. Be sure to peek into the Explore section every Wednesday for a different version of Yik Yak Writes!
Yik Yak Writes A Rom ComWritten By: You!
(Working titles include: Jake Gyllenhaal & Wolverine Go To Space; Barrel Roll of Love; and You Had Me At, Eh?)
The story begins just like any other love story. A boy. A girl. AND ZOMBIES. (Totally kidding about the zombies.) The boy had a big heart; he loved animals & children…..but he also literally had an oversized heart, it was very painful. The girl was full of life & laughter, she knew nothing of pain - because she had superpowers that enabled her to heal instantly. But the boy had a dark secret. He was a Canadian spy. She also kept another secret, secretly she was a boy as well.
They met like any other normal couple would meet, however their love was doomed. You see, the girl was actually the wolverine dressed as a girl. Yes, Hugh Jackman in a dress, but yet somehow s(he) had a strange allure which attracted the boy. The boy’s boss at SACS (secret agency of Canadian spies) assigned him to follow the girl with the emotional healing powers.
And like all Canadian spy’s, he was trained in the art of being super nice. However his constant use of the phrase ‘eh’ after every sentence meant he was playing a dangerous game. Almost as though he wanted her to find out he was a Canadian spy. The boy was also the lead singer of Nickelback.
He was the perfect guy for her. He was French AND Spanish, but his accent was somehow Australian. Mister International was about to show her the world. Yet Hugh…ugh I mean she…was also trained very,very well…
One night the two go on a date at the Cheesecake factory because who the freak doesn’t love Cheesecake? Losers that’s who!
“Look at this photograph,” the boy exclaimed as he pointed at the picture of the raspberry cheesecake. The girl, attempting not to sound like a man, replied, “ohhh that looks delicious! I heard they have those up North.” The boy’s heart raced, she was onto him. “Like in Wisconsin!” He sighed, relieved.
“Ah yes Wisconsin, that’s the furthest north I’ve ever been” said the boy without even the slightest hint he was lying. SACS trained him well. To change the subject, the boy pulled out a photograph and began telling the girl about how every time it makes him laugh. He dove his fork into the cake, taking a bite without taking his eyes off her, still suspicious of the last words she said.
But the cheesecake had poison in it because the Italians were onto SACS, so they got very sick, threw up EVERYWHERE, and got kicked out of the restaurant!
After leaving the boy and girl went on the run, but unfortunately for our spy friend, a member of RUSSIA (Russian Undercover Soviet Spy Intelligence Agency) over heard the “eh” at the end of one of his sentences and the RUSSIA agent decided to follow the couple. After the agent follows the two he decides he must contact Moscow about his discovery.
But then the RUSSIA agent had a flashback to when he was cornered by 3 bears in his homeland. The flashback was so vivid and the RUSSIA agent had begun flailing his arms (fighting the 3 bears) and attracting the attention of the boy and the girl he was following. The couple noticed the spy following them, and taking advantage of his nervous breakdown, the “girl” revealed her true, bear-like identity: Wolverine.
Wolverine then attacked the RUSSIA agent while the boy exclaimed “wtf!, eh!” The girl (Now Wolverine) proceeded to suplex the RUSSIA spy. In shock, the SACS agent fainted. When the SACS agent awoke, he found himself in a room surrounded by medical equipment. It was then he realized he couldn’t feel his legs. The shock of having no legs brought the boy’s heart rate dangerously high, and he clutched at his chest, gurgling at the mouth. His oversized heart couldn’t take it.
Just when his heart was about to fail, an angel of a nurse came in, and softly kissed his lips, and he calmed down instantly. The only way to walk again was to turn into a half-cyborg with robot legs. This fact made his heart race again. His vision began to blur, his heart pounding faster and faster then it all goes black. He awakens in a hospital room surround by the sound of faint nurse’s chatter. As he looks under the sheet, he sees his legs are now gone and replaced by robotic ones instead!
He shouts out and cries in agony, “what have I become?! Where are they? Who said you could do this to me!? ” He looks over to see the girl, by his hospital bedside, no longer a wolverine. The girl is no longer Hugh Jackman. She is now Anna Kendrick.
The doors swing open, then came in… THE STAR FOX TEAM. Confused and dumbfounded, they cut to the chase “We’re recruiting you.” He exclaims, “But I have metal legs! No one would want me!” Anna says “I want you! I love you!”
“About the legs… We needed your body to able to sustain all g-forces your body faced in flight. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Recruiting for what?” The boy said. “And do you have any pie?” The painkillers were kicking in, yet he held the distinct memory of how sick he got from the cheesecake. Fox and Falco admit to having their eyes on the SACS agent with his outstanding skills and explain that the only thing holding them back was his legs that are now gone. He denies and kicks them out the door with his new robot legs. *“KAPOW”* As the star fox team gets kicked out they each do amazing barrel rolls. The boy was impressed; he had never seen such great barrel rolls.
Realizing that Anna Kendrick was secretly wolverine and already had metal legs the star fox team invites both of them on a trip in their rocket ship. While our heroes gather together to plot in saving the Lyat System. The dark forces ominously observe them. The dark forces including Iggy Azalea, Steve Buscemi and a dark shrouded mysterious figure…
The sacs agent has realized throughout the story he has had no name. Shocked, he thinks of one before our hero’s set of on there journey! “My name shall be…..GYLLENHAAL… Jake Gyllenhaal.” And out of nowhere, they see a smart bomb approaching them with an unbelievably high speed. Or was it just a smart phone? DAMN YOU, APPLE
“That’s no smart bomb,” said Jake Gyllenhaal, “or a smart phone. It’s a smart space station.” When suddenly……. Dramatic music plays. A single tear trickles down Jake’s face. It was here he realized he had only one option…he had to perform a barrel roll. With expansive chest, pointed toes, and a flick of the wrist reminiscent of his sister’s dance class, he went for it.
He hadn’t ever tried a barrel roll, let alone with two new legs. “I don’t get paid enough for this,” Jake muttered
As Jake barrel rolled, the music suddenly ended. Jake and the crew looked up to the space station to see a chipmunk make a dramatic head turn toward them. “ALVIN.” Jake said through clenched teeth. “Gyllenhaal” said the rodent, through clenched buckteeth. The chipmunk started to grow to human form. Oh my god its Hayden Christiensen. Though our heroes originally thought the space station was hostile, Hayden Christiansen assured them it was not. But he lied!
Out of nowhere, Hayden pulled out Darth Vader’s helmet and placed it on his head. He then extended a red lightsaber (also out of nowhere) at Jake. Hayden then asked Jake, “What are you wearing?” Being from State Farm, Jake replied, “khakis.” And Hayden lowered his lightsaber.
Anna Kendrick rushed to Jake’s side. “My hero!” she proclaimed & threw herself into his arms. Unfortunately, at this moment Anna remembered that she was Wolverine and her claws extended and lopped off Jake’s arms. Jake lost his light saber & declared, “I’ve been unarmed!”
Realising what has been happening is so not romantic, they started to develop in a romantic way. “Jake, I’m so sorry!” says Anna Kendrick through sobs. “I’m so so sorry!” She reaches down to hold his face. Jake nudges her hands & smiles, “I thought it was my job to say 'sorry’ too much……because I’m Canadian….a Canadian spy.”
“But I was just starting to fall in love with you, how could you betray me?” she declared through tears. “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl-Wolverine, with no arms & cyborg legs, and asking you to love me.” he replied back to her.
“I need a 10 minute montage of us doing things alone & looking sad & like we want to call each other but we just won’t, & then we can try to work it out.” she said. “Also, I’m in this really big singing competition coming up & I kinda don’t need you as a distraction. I need my head in the game.” she said. Anna left Jake there alone - with no arms & his cyborg legs to wait on the space ambulance to come get him - while she thought about their relationship.
He was a boy. She was a girl. Could that be any more obvious? He was a spy, she was wolverine. What could this all mean? Jake entered the singing competition, unknown to Anna, and planned to win her back with his band Nickelback. The fact that he had no arms made the band, somehow, better than before.
The judges, perhaps giving some pity points to the armless Canadian cyborg, advanced his band to the final round of competition. Jake & his band, Nickelback, won over the whole crowd. He saw Anna in the wings of the stage in tears clapping for him. Jake met Anna on the side of the stage and the two shared a passionate kiss. She scratched him a few times, forgetting again, that she was Wolverine.
“So everything between us,” she realized, “was not real? Because of your training?” He replied, “Yes, my training in being super nice,” as he slowly bled out in her arms. Anna smiled and said “ You, you had me at "eh”!“
The curtains closed on the two lovers. The end. JK THE ZOMBIES ARE BACK RUN!!!!!!
Don’t forget, every Wednesday on the Explore section there will be a new version of Yik Yak Writes! Join in the fun and help us take the story in a new direction. YOU get to decide where it goes!